Look, I suck at math, but...

...It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what has happened to Saturn. It might take one to find it, though. Here’s why. Whatever happened to Saturn’s orbit did one of two things.

1. It pulled Saturn inward and increased its orbital velocity. That would keep it behind the sun for, lo, these 3 months. Or...
2. It threw Saturn outward. If that’s the case, the velocity is WAY higher because if it weren’t, we’d have come around the sun far enough to have found it by now.

I used to be able to do this math, but I’ve been typing too much HTML and SQL to remember how. So, I cheated. I did some simulations in some softwares that we all know can do these things, without having to work at JPL to use them. I’ve uploaded my family of solutions to my website. Pull ‘em down, and see what you think.

Ok, but it doesn’t matter what you think. What matters is how we find it, and more importantly, how we find the astronomical 3-wood that teed up and drove off one of our planets. If anyone at JPL is listening, take my suggestion, please!

We know a cone in which it must be, since we can’t see it. The sun’s in the way. If we can’t see it from any terrestrial telescopes, we need to call on our space telescopes. But which one can do it? The Hubble can’t see any better into that cone. Spitzer can see a little better being a million miles from earth, but can’t point that close to the Sun without... bad things happening. SOHO can see the Sun, finally, but it still can’t see Saturn. That refines the cone but doesn’t help us see it. Cassini is AWOL, being carried off with Saturn. It’s probably still doing its mission, but its orbital path is chaotic. Only one telescope can find this thing faster... STEREO. If the mission control of STEREO were to re-program the aiming routines to lie and swivel away from the sun, they could see into the cone. Once they find an out-of-place dot of light, they can triangulate and get a fix and a heading faster than we on Earth would be able to do. I have emailed that suggestion to the mission director. However, as you may have garnered from my previous posts, I’m too much of a gadfly for them to take me seriously. I’m sure my piece on the planetary configurations from the Book of Revelation didn’t endear me to them.

BUT!!! If anyone out there knows anyone at JPL or has some pull with STEREO, run this by them. It will either work, or we are in deep yogurt!

My money is that Saturn has been flung out fast, and the Intruder is coming inside of Saturn’s orbit. Check my orbits, and get back with me!

PS: I still don’t have any takers on my bet as to what the Intruder is: It’s a MACHO!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massive_compact_halo_objects

Come on, you WIMPS! ;-)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weakly_interacting_massive_particles

---

The preceding was a fictitious blogpost, an excerpt from the upcoming novel, Judas Christ by Christopher P. Simmons.
Any similarity to real events, or real persons living or dead is purely a coincidence.